I got chris browned last night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
