you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
