its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
