This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
