I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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