Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
