The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
