i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
