Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
