I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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