batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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