I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
