She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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