A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
