It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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