so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
