I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
