Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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