opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
