After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
