Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
