Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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