I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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