I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
