why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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