kristin has been a bad kristin
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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