I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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