I think i peed on brittanys purse
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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