Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
