Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
