Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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