I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He has the fingertips of a God
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