walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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