It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
