i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
