im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
