thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
