It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
