We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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