It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
