I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
