i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
