Porn is love you can see.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
