So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
