Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
