it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
