God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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