My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
