matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The air was thick with penises
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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