Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The air taste purple.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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