yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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